Friday, March 9, 2012

Maybe 

Maybe I don't understand other people's feelings. Maybe I don't care. If I try to love everyone at once, I'm hurting someone else I know I should feel is important to me. 

This is to the one I love:

It is eyes that I look at first to decide
whether or not my cruelty should be justified.
If reasoning doubts such a thing called open love 
My heart only belongs to one. 

Will honesty in my mind let me keep this to myself as it is true to my heart?
No, unfortunately not. 
But if reasoning doubts such a thing as open love
My cruelty is surely justified 
as my own values tell me that my heart only belongs to one.

On impulse or feeling can I say that my love wanders so curiously?
That in practiced restraint does my faith still belong to one
What is my virtue, means nothing.
Unless my virtue means loyalty.

It does still remain in the eyes of who I love 
That his love for me is true. 
And for those whose eyes gaze into mine to see nothing
My cruelty is surely justified.
With reasoning, my mind denies what my heart accepts

My heart accepts love from all
But my love belongs only to one
Even if my cruelty is justified
It is what I see in your eyes that my love is what I decide.
The little grace I have comes from a passion. 
A crazed feeling with a bit of mystique. 
A odd crave for this bit of attraction
With defects that prove it unique

From a standpoint it seems so appealing 
Situationally it's truly absurd
While in fact it was far too revealing
From a fantasy I far much preferred.

But for the little grace that I have for a passion
rejection and acceptance level fair
Absurdity was the main point of attraction
Though for what was substantial was not really there

Could it be true that because this was appeasing. 
There's no way it could really fare well
So for now, I'm done with the pleasing
And for our tryst, I'll see you in hell.
You'll never find me as lovely
Or as beautiful as you compare beautiful

You'll never see the flame that flickers because for you, I put it out
I'll never be the calmest wind to gently urge your wave.
I'll never see what you're about
Since my light's not what you crave.

But for a love like this to be so rare
Is the most wonderful time I've spent
That no other bond can truly compare
To such patience and temperament 
I'll allow you to bruise me 
Knowing full well that it hurts
I'll let gossip get the best of you
Because I want what you believe to be of some worth

I'll let you take everything away from me
Until I have no identity left
I'm an empty shell of a person 
Because you once felt bereft

If you think that I'm selfish 
You've allowed yourself hate
Because I'm not a good person 
But I'm far too easy to manipulate

What i've developed into is ugly
Because I don't bother to fight
So I'll allow you to hurt me
What was conditioned is that you're right.

I'm still an empty shell of a person
I'll sacrifice my happiness for yours
But I've bled for nothing
and I can't bleed anymore
To those who felt at fault from broken loves, to my parents and to those wild oats that we're sewn but never properly harvested:

Where is faith that belongs to only one?
And monogamy becomes just a word
Does beauty reap the benefits of something false?
Or does it suffer eternally in the arms of the false

To treat someone so bitterly
And in return taste the sweetness of faith
Because to realize the situation entirely
Will tongues sharpened to a fine point still will taste nothing

What abomination is this that sickness becomes acknowledgingly worse
To have evil's hand rise inside you as you melt completely.

However, when in turn to re evaluate, 
Reasons for infidelity isn't driven by lust
It's driven by deceit
Not by the one to demonize
But the one who demonizes in the first place